How to Talk To Your Partner About the Swinging Lifestyle
There is an old proverb that cautions everyone to "be careful
what you ask for, you may receive it." No idea can be more
appropriate when it comes to the concept of "swinging."
Those who are interested in participating in swinging activities
but know little about the movement, or what actually might be
involved, are often caught unaware of the many ramifications such
participation might have on their relationships ... if any couple is
considering involvement in such a lifestyle, they must do so with
the full knowledge and agreement between both partners.
Impact on Relationships: Sexual and Emotional
There is no doubt that most couples are attracted to the lifestyle
because of its real and possible sexual activities, and not
because they are seeking to change the world, or to alter the
format of their marriage. However, any couple who enters
the lifestyle expecting their relationship to remain the same,
except for the increase in sexual partners, will be in for a
rude awakening. These couples will soon realize that their
relationships will not remain the same, and these changes will not
only occur in the areas of sexual behavior, but in the very
structure of their relationship. A couple's successful transition
from a traditional marriage into a lifestyle relationship ... will
often be determined by their ability to adjust and adapt to these
structural changes.
Enhancing Your Relationship Emotionally and Sexually
The overall impact the structure of the lifestyle has on a primary
relationship will gradually transform that relationship. That
transformation will never be complete, for unlike a traditional
marriage, the boundaries and formats are not "written in stone"
and each couple is restricted only by their own limits, which they
create for themselves. Working as equal partners, each couple
has the ability to establish a relationship based upon a
contractual design for their life, as well as for their
lifestyle.
Overcoming Fears and Jealousies
Feelings of jealousy are avoided by structuring the context of
extramarital sex and limiting its expression to lifestyle functions
and activities. Sexual activity within the context of the
lifestyle is viewed as a shared leisure activity with others that
is non-threatening to the primary relationship. The idea, of
course, is to protect the primary relationship and maintain the
security of each partner, while still allowing both partners to
enjoy playful recreational sex with others. Like everyone
else, lifestyle couples experience jealousy in direct proportion
to the level of security they have with their partner.
Sexual and Emotional Liberation: Both Sexes
The effect of these shared sexual encounters on the couple's
attraction to one another, especially during and immediately
after the actual lifestyle event, is often even more surprising
to traditional couples. Most, if not all, lifestyle
couples report that during and immediately after such shared
sexual encounters with others there is a high degree of
excitement and erotic desire for their partner ...
Rather than being sated from such an experience, couples
often report that their interest in, and experience with,
their own partner increases dramatically.
AIDS and Other Sexually-Transmitted Diseases
Whenever there is a question about AIDS and the lifestyle, there
seems to be a tone in the voice that conveys an accusing and
moral judgment. It is as if the mere existence of the
disease will, in and of itself, refute every other concept
regarding the lifestyle ... sex itself does not cause AIDS
any more than breathing causes pneumonia. In reality, we do not
know what causes AIDS ... Does the mere fact that an individual has
a large number of sexual partners increase the risk of AIDS
infection? Or should the real issue be with whom that individual
is having sexual encounters?
Swinging Lifestyle Rules, Boundaries, and Limits
While one of the most radical aspects of the lifestyle
is its challenge to existing rules and limits, the lifestyle itself is
able to exist only through the rules, boundaries, and limits the
various couples maintain for themselves. Each couple
develops their own limits with each other in order to establish a
comfort level between the two partners. Obviously, each couple
will have rules and boundaries for themselves that other couples
may not have, or each couple may have very few rules and limits in
comparison with other couples.
Swing Party Etiquette
While there is no right or wrong way to engage in the lifestyle,
there are some actions or behaviors that are very unacceptable,
regardless of whether such behavior occurs at a party or in a
private couple-to-couple encounter ... In short, lifestyle couples
remain conscientious individuals who enjoy being treated with
consideration, sincerity, and respect, regardless of how, or at
what level, their participation in the lifestyle might become.
Swinging Lifestyle Historical Highlights
We have become so accustomed to our present concept of
"traditional marriage" that we apply the same standards to
all time periods that have preceded us. These previous time periods
are portrayed through books, movies, and stories from our present
viewpoint, and we project our current values onto these times as if
that world and ours are identical, except for changes in technology.
Each historical period has undergone vast social and philosophical
transformations as well. We forget that many forms of
marriage have existed throughout Western history, some much more
restrictive than any contemporary woman would allow, and others much
more conducive to male sexual expression than any contemporary man
would dare to dream.
